Well, it’s 7pm on a Wednesday night and the only company I have in the office right now is a radio which is perpetually tuned to ’91.5 – Smooth FM’, a radio station aimed specifically at capturing listeners aged 35-54. Although I’m 10 years outside their target demographic, I must say I’m enjoying their playlist thoroughly. (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life’, the theme to the 1987 cinematic classic Dirty Dancing, just finished playing. It made me feel a little sad inside. I don’t know why…

Oh, Smooth Operator just came on…

As I’ve alluded to previously, I work in the formidable commercial hub of Box Hill. Most afternoons I’ll ‘take the air’ and wander the streets in search of some afternoon sustenance (lunch). Box Hill is home to a large Vietnamese population and as such, there’s some pretty outstanding food to be had. One place in particular is a regular haunt for me and my fellow staffers. The lure? $4.50 grilled pork salad rolls. That’s not a typographical error and no, you haven’t been roofied, thrown into the DeLorean and transported back to the 1980s, that’s what they actually cost.  As you can gather, we abuse this place worse than that personal care nurse abused Stephen Hawking a few years back.

I mean, sure, the quality of pork utilized in the preparation of these rolls might be somewhat questionable. After all, I’ve done the math and I don’t understand how the business could possibly stay afloat if they were using actual pork; the overheads would be far too high. To stop myself from pondering this and ruining my culinary experience I employ a strict, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy with the same steadfastness of two young seamen at the farthest point from home on an incredibly long submarine voyage.

You may recall my earlier post (from approximately 24 hours ago) regarding militant veganism. As if to place a gigantic exclamation mark made entirely of tofu & lima beans beside the punch-line to my initial comments, I received a response today from one of Bankingcommish’s new readers, Kelly. A militant vegan, Kelly considers it her duty to spread the good Word of veganism like cholera throughout a ramshackle Haitian tent-colony. As such, she took exception to my derisive rant about her fellow vegan warriors.

Despite her adamant protestations that she does exist, I’m still not 100% sold that Kelly isn’t just another Bankingcommish reader hoping to ignite a response. Regardless of the validity of her existence, the below commentary makes for interesting reading. Considering that this site has had 1277 unique page-views in its first 18 days of operation, perhaps Kelly is real?

Enjoy.

I’m absolutely fucking delicious!

(Kelly)

Hey, just got told about your blog by a guy at work. I enjoyed your post about the Hilltop Hoods, but can’t say I agree with this at all. I have been a vegan for about 10 years and consider it my duty to educate people on the value and benefits of switching to a vegan diet and lifestyle.

I take so much pleasure in helping to enlighten people and show them that nature has so much to offer us without the need to slaughter or torture (some people call it milking) animals. You are obviously a very intelligent and articulate boy but I just can’t agree with you and I think you have a fairly jaded and cynical outlook on life.

Kel

(Me)

Kelly,

Glad to hear you enjoyed my post about the Hilltop Hoods. They’re undoubtedly one of the most awful things in the Universe. Firstly Kelly, I’m unsure whether or not to believe that you are actually a real person or one of my initial blog investors merely hoping to spark debate.

For the purposes of this response, I’m going to address you as a tangible, legitimate and separate entity that can think, feel and possibly even love. I hope you’re okay with that?

Regarding your comment about my ‘jaded and cynical outlook on life’, congratulations, you’ve hit the nail right on the head! You may think it; I know it. This is partially why you would’ve enjoyed my incredibly sardonic Hilltop Hoods post, rendering your prior comment somewhat ironic. I’ll forgive you for this minor indiscretion, Kelly, as you were in the process of complimenting me when you made it.

In addition, I guess that’s why people were willing to give me money to do this in the first place. If I were writing exclusively about how much I love ‘The Shire’ for 180 days, the situation would quickly become untenable for all involved.

Regarding veganism, we won’t ever agree on this issue, nor should we have to. You can simply have your opinion and I’ll have mine. I do take exception, however, that you consider it your duty to educate people on the benefits of a vegan diet/lifestyle, which I consider akin to an evangelical Southern-US church minister forcefully attempting to convert the secular part of his local community.

I guess what I don’t enjoy is the inference that I need to be educated in the first place. If I may draw a comparison back to your prior comments regarding my intelligence (which made me blush, incidentally), surely I am capable of the rational thought required to make a decision on my own, without your help?

Now, don’t get me wrong, Kelly, I’m no animal sadist; hell, I buy free range eggs even when they aren’t on special and make it a habit to pat other peoples’ dogs at social events. However, I also enjoy eating meat. Even if I had to kill it all myself, I’d still do it (humanely of course, none of that Indonesian Four Corners business). Whilst I respect your choice, I just don’t respect your need to ‘educate’ others.

I hope you continue in your patronage of Bankingcommish, Kelly. For every story you hate, there’ll be one that you love!

Regards,
Casey.

(Kelly)

Hi Casey,

Firstly, thanks for replying (albeit in a fairly patronising and condescending tone). Regarding your query as to whether I’m a real person or not, I can assure you that I am.

I take offense at being likened to a fanatical Christian. I merely get enjoyment out of introducing people to a new way of life, similar to how someone might enjoy introducing a friend to a new book or sport that they go on to love.

I appreciate that it must be difficult to come up with new topics and ideas, however I was simply stating my reaction to this one. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of enjoyment out of your posts in the future and look forward to sharing my views with you!

Cheers,

Kel

(Me)

Hi Kelly,

Any level of condescension you garnered from my response was purely coincidental, let me assure you.

The reference to Christianity was deemed suitable (by me) as I believe there’s an inherent level of self-righteous ‘preaching’ involved in both endeavours. I also dispute your comparison of the practice of vegan education being akin to introducing a friend to a good book, (as books generally don’t alter the way you live your life, for the rest of your life, unless said book is Mein Kampf).

However, as a show of good faith (and apologies to the further reference to Christianity here), I’m happy post your response to last nights’ post on tonights entry.

This will allow you to reach all of the (20) readers of bankingcommish with your message (as not many of them seem to read the responses to posts).

Regarding the supposed difficulty of writing a post a day, I’ve not yet had any issues. Indeed I treat this ridiculous endeavour as a sort of catharsis, a digital-age (argh!) Chicken Soup for the Soul if you will (apologies for the reference to an animal-related product).

I look forward to your continuing commentary.

Regards,
Casey

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