Bankingcommish’s social media debut occurred on Sunday night. Suffice to say, the ‘commish had its biggest day ever, recording 328 views in one day from places as far flung as Colombia and The Netherlands. Keep on truckin’!

In an earlier post I detailed my intention to discuss the myriad of issues I have with Facebook users and their undying wish to share as much of their personal lives in public forum as humanly possible. Tonight I pick up where I left off with what I see as one of the most frustrating practices currently being performed on Facebook.

Vaguebooking…. ‘An intentionally vague Facebook status update that prompts friends to as what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help’.

When I first mentioned this term to a few mates several years ago, the phenomenon was still a relative unknown. Perhaps it was because the hand-dragging gutter-trash dumb-as-fuck masses hadn’t yet realised their ‘full potential’ on social media and commandeered Facebook in the hope of utilizing it as a remote emotional support group for themselves and their equally dumb-as-fuck mates, who knows?

We all know someone who’s a chronic Vaguebook offender. Here are a few examples….

Well, know I now. I won’t make the same mistake again…’

‘It wasn’t meant to end like this…’

Well, what a slap in the face. Get you out of my life!’ (That was one I actually took from my wall).

These comments are used specifically by the poster to try and ‘harvest’ comments from their immediate friend group. Generally, the hope that others actually give a fuck about you appears to be the driving factor, although sometimes the original poster will follow up by disclosing intimate details about what they were originally being vague about. This only occurs if one of the replies they receive is deemed caring enough for this type of ‘emoting’ to occur. I call this ‘The Barren Jackpot’…

I love this type of Vaguebook post. Why? It’s because the original poster was always willing to give this information up and slowly but surely adds colour to their initial  roughly-hewn Vaguebook sketch. It’s like Kim Kardashian playing hard-to-get; totally ludicrous. (By the way, strap yourself in for my Kim Kardashian rant. Just like Ray Jay in her sex-video, it’s coming…) Similar to a horrendous car-crash that you can’t take your eyes off, you become mesmerised as the original poster reveals more and more intimate details of their lives that would make a porn-star (or Kim Kardashian) blush.

The humble laptop – A potential faux-stained-glass window into the s soul of a Vaguebooker

I’ve got a strict policy for interaction with those who practice the art of Vaguebooking;

1)    Do not ask them what they are referring to (that’s what they want). Also, they would not know what ‘referring’ means.

2)    Do not ‘like’ their post (the more likes they get, the more likely they are to re-offend, it’s an exponential likes/likely curve).

3)    If you must comment, make sure you are commenting in a highly derogatory way (eg. ‘Fuck off (name), you Vaguebooking piece of shit!)

4)    Make sure you read their posts very carefully and make a mental note of their name; if you see this person in the street, make a point of avoiding them if possible as they are undoubtedly emotionally unstable and a potentially a liability in a social situation, especially if alcohol is involved.

Next time someone Vaguebooks you, I suggest you simply give them the link to the definition, here.

Or just send them a picture of your genitals.

Up to you.

/end communication