I just finished reading The God Delusion. It made me hate atheism.

It’s not to say that I’m not an atheist; in fact, I’m more inclined to label myself an atheist (or at least an agnostic) than to associate with any religion. I have stepped foot in 7 churches in my life. I have prayed in none of them. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the idea that, when we die, a slightly more translucent version of ourselves gravitates slowly upward from our corpse towards Heaven like in those old Looney Tunes cartoons, but I think the truth might be a little less glamorous. (Kick the bucket, lose the contents of your bowels, get pronounced dead, get shipped off to the mortuary, get all of the fluid in your body sucked out from under your ribcage with a trocar and get pumped full of formaldehyde to make it look like you’re still alive, get stuffed into a wooden box and buried 10 feet in the ground where your body will slowly decompose into carbon, never having known anything other than the life you just lived. The End.)

See, pretty depressing isn’t it? It would be far more comforting to know that when you die, you get to hang out on a fluffy white cloud in perpetuity, drinking martinis and listening to all of your favourite once-dead musicians with all of your best once-dead friends… Oh, I just thought about the poor bastard mates of mine that are going to have to carry me out to the hearse after my funeral. That will be one fucking massive coffin….

Anyway, I digress. These atheists are so Hell-bent (classic religious pun!) on denouncing religion that they’ve ironically started to look like a religion themselves.

You see, religion differs from private belief in that it is socially structured; you can go to Church and pray with the congregation, or you can go to an atheist’s convention and listen to other atheists talk about how they too share your belief system. There are other parallels between atheism and religion too:

1)      A group of people with a similar belief structure – check

2)      A central figure that members look up to as a leader or deity – check (Richard Dawkins)

3)      A need to preach their views to an unwilling greater population – check

4)      An element of fanaticism within the group that ruins the greater populations’ opinion of the organisation, perhaps unjustly – check

I’m not for a minute disputing that some awful things have been done in the name of God (or Allah, or Mazda, or Ganesh) or any one of the thousands of deities that exist (at least on paper or in verse) in our Universe. Indeed, there have been, and will undoubtedly continue to be people who do ill in the name of their God. This makes religion an easy target for atheist crusaders like Dawkins. You won’t hear Dawkins banging on about any of the good stuff religious organisations do.

Mazda – A Japanese automotive manufacturer. Also the high deity in the Zoroastrian religion.

It’s the way in which these militant atheists go about it that gets to me; their spiel is so dripping with condescension, vitriol, and venomous, insulting barbs, as if religious people are stupid for believing what they do. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. That’s exactly why an atheist can’t get upset at the behaviour of an Evangelical Christian; it’d be hypocritical. At least Mormons are friendly.

I think it’s far more difficult to have Faith in a modern society. I don’t have any, so I guess I have to identify myself as an atheist (albeit a self-loathing one). I can’t stand people preaching about their belief in nothing any more than I can stand A Jehovah’s Witness at my door on a Saturday morning when I’ve got a raging fucking hangover. Discussing atheism is like talking about a vacuum (not the type that you use on your carpet). What’s the fucking point? As long as religious zealots don’t try to jam their belief system down my throat, I won’t jam my atheist shtick down theirs. Deal? Deal!

I really hope that there’s actually a Hell so that when Richard Dawkins dies, he ends up there. Fuck, that’d be an ironic initial conversation with Satan. There’d be sodomy on the (very near) horizon for ol’ Dick.

/end communication