After my diatribe the several days ago about Apple products and my absolute disdain for the ‘geniuses’ that work in Apple stores selling these products, I was subjected to several of them in a shopping centre yesterday. I was up in the Westfield Shoppingtown at Doncaster doing my best to keep David Jones afloat after recent news reports alerted me to the fact that they’re currently experiencing some financial difficulties and are looking to sell all of their stores so that they can rent them off people to free up some cash (worst idea ever in a depressed property market). On my way to this ailing Australian retail dinosaur I actually inadvertently stumbled across an Apple store.

All of the geniuses were standing at the front of the store in their matching little blue shirts, lurking, watching, waiting, their self-satisfied grins offensively permeating the entrance to the store like the stench of death in a dormitory at a Siberian Gulag. Today one of my mates told me that he saw a host of (desperate) people camping out in deck chairs out the front of the Melbourne Apple Store this morning, patiently waiting for the release of the new iPhone 5.

GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU STUPID CUNTS… IT’S A FUCKING PHONE. SURELY YOU HAVE SOMETHING MORE REWARDING TO DO THAN WAIT IN A LINE FOR A PHONE. IT’S A FUCKING PHONE, FOR FUCKS SAKE. YOU FUCKING SUCK.

Separately, I just watched the Collingwood Magpies lose to the Sydney Swans in the AFL Preliminary Final. I enjoyed it so fucking much. It was a glorious, beautiful thing. Watching Collingwood lose is almost as good as watching Richmond win. There’s something about Collingwood and its supporters that makes me so fucking angry; they’re such a bunch of self-righteous low-brow cunts with absolutely no class whatsoever. They’re the types of supporters that’ll cheer when an opposition player gets seriously hurt.

I can only imagine the amounts of callouts that Victoria Police are going to have to attend to tonight for instances of domestic violence as upset Collingwood supporters take out their anger on their de-facto partners in the form of blatant physical violence (you don’t get fuckin’ married bra, you lose some of ya Centrelink benefits if those government cunts know you’re married ‘n’ shit. Ya don’t need to be married to fuck ya missus and get her up the duff with some ADHD-affected kids that shit ya to tears!).

/end communication

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