It’s approximately midday and I’m sitting in my living room, 7 beers deep already, watching Rage on mute while Passion Pit plays on the stereo. Yep, it’s mother-fucking Parklife time. There’s more reptilian characters at my house this morning than at than the Melbourne Zoo Reptile Park (which, incidentally, is just up the road). My sole goal for today is to get as pissed as humanly possible without dying. It’s a delicate balancing act, but one I’m more than ready to attempt to achieve. Wish me luck… The rain has been coming in in irregular patches, hopefully changing the wardrobes of all of the cunts I alluded to in last nights’ rant to something more palatable, although judging from the attire of one of my guests I’d say that this is wishful thinking (to put it lightly).

I can’t believe all of this argument and debate at the moment about the rights of homosexuals and lesbians to confirm their love for each other legally via gay marriage (or civil union). I don’t really understand what the issue is with gay marriage. I have absolutely no problem with a couple of gay blokes or a couple of lesbians ‘tying the knot’. Who gives a shit, seriously?

All of the conservative fuckwits in positions of power in Australian politics have been dropping bullshit lines lately like, “It threatens the sanctity of marriage”. What sanctity of fucking marriage? Approximately 50% of married couples in Australia get divorced. If gay blokes or bent birds want to put themselves in the same absolutely awful position as the rest of us do, I say godspeed to them. I really don’t understand why it’s necessary anyway, the whole idea of getting married seems a little too final in my opinion. Surely you can love someone without having to sign a piece of paper?

Anyway, it’s not as if God wrote marriage laws, men did. Surely now that we aren’t living in the dark ages where homosexuality/lesbianism is considered to be a sin worthy of death, we can amend marriage laws to be more inclusive? It’s not illegal for people to have same-sex relationships, so why is it illegal for them to get married? It doesn’t make any sense.

There’s a bit of selfishness at play in this opinion, I must admit. I want the gay blokes I know to be able to get married so that I’ve got more weddings to go to. Free beer, free food – not only that, imagine how stylish the wedding would be if two gay blokes were at the helm…

/end communication