In my opinion, there’s nothing that even compares to listening to the dulcet sounds of Little River Band on a sunny Sunday afternoon while sipping on an ice-cold Heineken stubbie with your feet firmly planted on your coffee table as you recover from your sophomore Parklife performance (I was outstanding, if you must ask…) I’m listening to LRB right now, and still can’t comprehend how they make the sounds come out of that spinning disk thing with the needle in it? How do they capture the talky people and the drums and the guitars into that plastic round black disc? Bizarre!

This afternoon I was having a sneaky little look through some of my housemates vinyls (after putting on LRB, because it’s plainly fucking amazing) and I’ve got to say, there were a few busted looking blokes on the covers! Real stinkers, they types of blokes that’d bust a mirror if you put one in front of them, you know, like an anti-vampire! They make Mick Molloy look like a total babe…

It seems that, back in the day, your ability to play your instrument, sing or just do something notable and worth recording was the thing that made you famous. It’s more than a little unbelievable for us ‘Generation Y’ (I fucking hate that term) kids to actually believe this, considering that we haven’t really been exposed to any ugly musicians in our lifetime (apart from Ugly Kid Joe, and they weren’t even that ugly, they just made really, really ugly music…). We’re too busy having Ke$ha & San Cisco rammed down our throats like hungry pelicans to have any idea what’s good and what isn’t.

The real travesty of the situation is that we’re potentially missing out on having a bunch more great music in the public domain because of the sinister major record companies and their never-ending crusade to ensure that no-one below a 6 on the hot scale gets to make a music video. Fuck, if that policy were actually the case, I never would have heard Rush play Tom Sawyer and I damn sure wouldn’t have heard Lemmy belting out gravelly lyrics in Motorhead.

Instead, we have to deal with the infinitely trendy and ‘now’ Nicky Minaj ‘performing’ some of the most awful pop music that has ever been created, further solidifying my concept that only 6s and above get to make pop music.

“Starships were meant to fly…”

You don’t fucking say!

/end communication