I’ve re-read my efforts over the last couple of days on here. I can’t actually remember writing any of that shit. I’ve put my body through such horrors that I think I’ve probably aged about 5 years in the last 2 days. This is pretty bad considering I’ve been getting into pubs without being asked for ID since I was 16. I’m going to look like a 55 year-old when I’m 40. Saddening…

It’s just fantastic that those great Australians that follow the V8 Supercar Championship took the weekend off getting into abusive, violent domestic disputes with their better halves to make the pilgrimage to the spiritual home of all things bogan, Bathurst. Nothing quite says, “I’m a reprehensible piece of gutter-trash shit with an IQ lower than the waist measurement on my favourite FHM model… in inches… post Photoshop”, like camping out on Mount Panorama with your mates, cooking cheap sausages full of animals you recently tormented, drinking Cougar cans through a witches hat and hurling abuse (and possibly faecal matter) at the opposition drivers as they hurtle around the track in inefficient boxes of poorly engineered American throwback shit that suck down petrol more eagerly than George Michael attempts to suck the dicks of strange men in nondescript Beverly Hills public bathrooms.

The vehicular form of an apex predator.

The Australian Touring Car Championship used to encompass far more marques than the boring, uninspiring sardine tins produced by Ford & Holden; indeed there was a time that the tiny Mini Cooper won the annual event (1966, if I remember correctly). Now that’s a race I’d sit down and watch – apparently the Cooper was lightning fast through the corners but rubbish down the straight, making for a see-sawing contest between it and its bulkier, more powerful and less agile rivals.

In 1991 and 1992, the R32 Nissan Skyline basically raped the competition, winning the Bathurst event in both years. The car itself had a far smaller engine by volume than its Holden counterpart, but the beauty of far superior Japanese engineering and a massive turbo bolted onto a 6 cylinder engine, allowing it to produce almost 600 horsepower meant that the four-wheel drive Skyline was making home life rather difficult in a number of Australian households.

In 2013, sweeping changes are being made to the V8 Supercar Format through their introduction of ‘COTF’ or ‘Car of the Future’. This move standardises the chassis (the internal framework of the vehicle) across the board, making it easier for manufacturers to join The Championship. Indeed, both Nissan & that big old Kraut carmaker, Mercedes Benz, have already put their hand up as new entrants next year, effectively ending the 20-year era of ‘Ford versus Holden’.

Maybe Jamie Whincup can win the next Bathurst in a Nissan Ultima…

“That’s fuckin’ un-Australian hey bloke?”

Fuck off, cunts.

/end communication