I went out for some froffies last night in Fitzroy with some mates and four people in completely unrelated groups of friends bailed me up at various stages of the night and said, “Hey, have you seen that TV show ‘How I Met Your Mother’? You look just like Marshall, the tall guy.” I get that everywhere I go, which is weird considering I think that I don’t look a thing like the guy. Last night, it started out as a bit of a joke with the first and second person & I had a bit of a laugh with them, but by the last I was absolutely fucking exasperated with it.

Earlier in the evening I was having dinner in town on Hardware Lane & watching from our table, which was outside & on the lane itself, as what seemed like carload upon carload of people dressed up for Halloween poured out of maxi taxis & pink Hummer stretch limos, clip-clopping their way across the cobblestones to their intended destination (presumably some club event where the partygoers pay $30 up-front and are entitled to 2 free shots of watered down apple schnapps & an evening of shoddy remixes of Top 40 hits mixed by a DJ who has their own business cards), the majority of girls swaying uneasily on impractical high heels as they tried to negotiate the subtle intricacies of the variable terrain underfoot, the boys following close behind, oblivious to the difficulties faced by their companions.

This guy – not me.

It was clear to me that quite a bit of thought, effort & money had gone into the outfits that these people had put together for the evening, lining the pockets of the legion of companies who now promote the shit out Halloween for their own financial gain. Since when is Halloween in Australia a fucking thing, anyway? I read an article in The Age the other day where some yuppie fuck tried to shoot down anyone who might stop to ask why Australia has been taken over by this ostensibly American pastime and all it did was make me hate the idea of Australian Halloween even more.

That the concept of purchasing confectionery on the off-chance that some neighbourhood children may knock on your door while trick-or-treating is now consideration for suburban households in Australia is utterly mind-blowing. It was completely unheard of when I was growing up, not even a consideration.

Now, it’d be easy to argue that the introduction of Halloween into Australia is a good thing. After all, kids enjoy it and it’s not doing anyone any harm, is it? Personally, I think that the Yanks already pervade so much of the Australian collective consciousness as it is through their influence in television, cinema, sport, music & politics that it’d be nice, just for once to not be dutifully following in their kitsch wake.

/end communication