I had planned finishing my post early tonight so that I could get a good nights’ sleep for once. Then I started watching videos of Queen playing at Live Aid on YouTube, which led me to videos of Muse playing at Wembley several decades later, which led me to a web search about Matt Bellamy’s guitars, which then led me to more YouTube videos of people building and restoring guitars, which then led me to a documentary on YouTube about Les Paul, the creator of the eponymous Gibson model, which led me to a Wikipedia page about Gibson, which led me to a Wikipedia page about Epiphone (bought by Gibson in 1957), which led me to a Wikipedia page about The Beatles, which led me to a Wikipedia page about George Harrison (my favourite Beatle), which then led me to a trailer for a documentary about Harrison called, ‘Living in the Material World’, which led me to download it and watch it. I just finished, it was really good.

Fucking Internet.

The other night when I was out at the pub, I couldn’t remember how to rack up the triangle in a game of 8-ball we were about to have (unsure if that’s correct terminology, but I guess you get the point, considering I had to look it up in the first place), so I typed ‘8 ball triangle setup’ into Google Images, and found an image showing the correct way immediately. In a testament to ‘The Digital Age’, (fucking Digital Age again…) I placed my phone down on the felt and copied the layout like the fucking drone I am. I couldn’t help but feel a little strange about the whole thing.

It doesn’t stop there, however. There’s no end to the encroaching glow of the smart phone in pub room conversation, and indeed conversation in general. What’s the name of that epic action B-movie you saw a few years ago? Don’t worry about trying to use your memory, that’s what the Internet is for! Yes, that’s right Google, it was ‘Big Trouble in Little Tokyo’ starring Dolph Lundgren… thanks… The ease with which information is able to be obtained is actively making all of us stupider (‘more stupid’ would be more grammatically correct, but I’m losing touch with the English because the majority of conversations I have via text & email use emoticons as the primary communication tool).

Don’t think, mere human. I am Google and I am omnipotent.

There’s a commonly held notion amongst academia that the introduction of ultra-high-speed Internet to a country will have the net effect of improving the intelligence of the population en-masse, due to the increasing ease with which information can be obtained, shared & discussed.

In reality, all it does is improve the definition of the porn…

/end communication