I stumbled home from a night on the town completely wasted several months ago and busted my laptop by falling asleep on top of it after deciding to watch an episode of The League (one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in a long time, by the way) in bed at 4am. Anyway, I must’ve been about two minutes into the episode when I fell asleep (because I don’t remember any of it and had to watch it again the afternoon after on a different computer) and when I woke up in the morning and tried to turn my laptop on, the screen looked like a retarded child had gleefully glued mosaic tiles to it in the night.

$340 later, I got my laptop back. Spending that kind of money on a laptop for an easily avoidable accident is akin to throwing $50s into an open fire (or donating money to Scientology).

A couple of weeks ago I got wasted again and did the exact same thing, or so I thought. I was of the impression that I’d busted the power cord connector by rolling on it in a drunken haze, preventing me from ever charging my laptop battery ever again. I looked for the tell-tale red light to indicate that my 2012 portal to the world around me was charging, but all I could see was darkness (I later realised that in my drunken state, I was looking for the light in the wrong spot…) Instead of taking it back to the repair shop in Hawthorn to be silently judged by the efficient Japanese man entrusted with fixing all of my drunken fuck-ups, I put it away in the bottom drawer of my tall-boy and tried to forget about how much of a busted piece of shit I am for at least a couple of weeks.

A few days ago I decided to finally face my fears, acknowledge the damage I’d assumed I’d done and tentatively pulled my laptop out of the bottom drawer, expecting the worst. I walked it to the charger and prepared myself for another capital outlay.

The red light started blinking… it was fine all along! No more upsetting visits to the laptop repair shop for me!

What’s the moral of the story? It’s okay to get righteously drunk, come home and watch illegally downloaded series at all hours of the morning because there are no repercussions whatsoever.

Aside from the shame.

The shame doesn’t go away…

/end communication