They were people that you knew in high school. They might not have been your friends, but they seemed pretty normal, and you didn’t really think much more about them. Fast-forward to 2012 and these same people have now got access to social media, and any concept you had of their normality has been completely blown out the window due to their inability to understand that their dirty laundry need not be aired on social media.

“Can’t believe she’s already shackin’ up wiv someone else so early. I’m still cut up bout us and ya can’t keep ya legs closed, ya slut. Settin’ a good example 4 da kids, aren’t ya?”

Additionally, they feel the need to give advice on life to their captive audience as if they’re some sort of omnipresent being in spite of the fact that they’re 3 kids deep to 2 different partners (men or women) & are perpetually stuck in the town that you couldn’t wait to get out of (when you were fucking 18…)

“I’ve got great friends, great family, a great job, a beautiful girlfriend/boyfriend (my best friend), and a beautiful little baby. For all of you out there working yourselves to the bone, I’ve got news for you. You’ve got it all wrong. Focus on the things that matter, then you’ll understand what life is all about…”

You see, the above passage isn’t really accurate, because there isn’t a litany of spelling and grammar errors strewn throughout the comment, as is tradition for these types. It’s ironic that they think they’ve got life all figured out and haven’t yet grasped the intricacies of the English language. What a bunch of cunts. Here’s a bit of free advice; how about you get your own life in order before dishing out pearls of wisdom to your extended ‘friendship’ group? (Why do I still have these people on Facebook?)

Also, could people please cease and desist referring to their partners as ‘my best friend’? “Today I married my best friend and I couldn’t be happier… I can’t wait to start our life together.”


It’s so fucking depressing to read shit like this. It’s only a truly fucking depressing individual who has no friends that makes these comments.  You don’t marry your fucking best friend; you go and watch the latest Bond movie or drink copious amounts of alcohol with them (I don’t know what girl best friends do… watch Sex & the City? Scissor each other into oblivion? It’d be something glorious, surely…)

Anyway, I’m really pissed, but what I’m trying to say is… I don’t know what I’m trying to say. What?

Oh, hang on a second, what I’m trying to say is that people should stop trying to flex their egos on social media. It’s ugly when it’s warranted, it’s downright embarrassing when it’s not…

/end communication