I’ve got to stop drinking on Sundays. I feel 10 years older today. Ugh. I re-read last nights’ post today and I can’t remember writing any of it. I woke up fully clothed on top of my bed this morning with a half-finished bottle of Coopers Pale Ale on my bedside table.

Bleak… Still made it to work today on time, like a FUCKING CHAMPION.

Yesterday’s dance wasn’t worth it. Clean living ahead for me, thanks very much!

What’s fucking up with people listing absolutely every infinitesimal achievement or qualification they’ve ever received or obtained on their work (and sometimes personal) email signatures? Every now and again I’ll get an email from some clown with a fucking alphabet after their job title as if I’m going to read their message with any more vigour or interest in the knowledge that they went through university. In fact, seeing some letters after someone’s name generally causes me to read the email out aloud in my head in a really narky voice.

“Dear Casey blah blah blah blah blah require your assistance blah blah blah blah. Could you please provide blah blah blah blah FUCKING BLAH.”

Generally, the types that are eager to let you know how much money they’ve spent on getting useless accreditation (who needs a Certificate 4 in Business?) will send emails so thoroughly littered with spelling errors that they serve as a somewhat ironic confirmation of why the individual responsible for the communication feels the need to advertise his/her credentials at the outset.

“Yes, I’m an absolute moron who couldn’t find two brain cells to rub together, but I’m an incredibly diligent and hard-working moron, as evidenced by my qualifications here, here & here…”

As a rule, it’s my opinion that unless you’ve achieved something greater than an undergraduate degree, you shouldn’t be putting anything next to your name. Every man and his fucking dog has a Uni degree these days; hell, in the Whitlam years they were giving them away. Even listing honours in your signature is a stretch, in my opinion. Sure, if you’re a Doctor, have a Masters or an industry qualification (such as a C.A. or C.P.A) go for your life, as you are reflecting a greater level of understanding in your given profession.

Also steer clear of listing 10 week TAFE course qualifications in your email signature. We’re adults here, after all… Your prowess over the Microsoft Office suite of products can be illustrated in your resume, not your email signature.

Lastly, if you’re working in Finance, what purpose does you listing your Arts degree (majoring in Medieval Finnish Poetry) achieve? That’s a rhetorical question; everyone knows it’s there purely to massage your ridiculous fucking ego. Realistically, you should just put the following in your email signature in lieu of this qualification

‘I am a cunt.’

/end communication